Even the best of relationships take work, but having the right tools makes it that much easier – and more rewarding. Couples therapy is one of the most valuable tools for working on relationships.

There can be a lot of stigma around couples therapy and therapy in general that can keep people from seeking it out who may benefit from the extra guidance and clarity. Most people think that couples therapy is just for people whose relationships are are facing serious issues.

While it can be helpful for serious roadblocks, there are various reasons why partners rely on couples therapy as routine maintenance.

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What Couples Therapy Can Address

Couples therapy can be helpful for anyone in a romantic relationship or partnership. There’s not a “right” age or stage that it’s meant for.

Lots of couples attend therapy together. Although it varies by country and culture, according to one study of 1,000 couples, 49% said they had attended some form of counseling with their spouse.

People may go to therapy before they get married, before they have kids, when they go through a big loss or change, when there is infidelity in the relationship, when the dynamic of the relationship changes, or other reasons.

You also don’t need to have a reason to start couples therapy. The desire to strengthen your relationship and learn new communication tools is more than enough.

Here are some other stats on couples therapy:

55% of couples attend therapy for six months or less
The highest percentage of couples in marriage counseling had been married for 3 to 5 years
According to relationship and marriage expert, Dr. John Gottman, couples often wait up to six years after problems arise to finally see a counselor
About 52% of people who had tried some form of marital counseling were open to the idea
Millennials are the most common demographic to have attended couples therapy (51%)
The most common age for people who attended couples therapy was 25-50
Couples therapy success rates have gone up from 50% to 75% since the 1980s thanks to an adaption in modalities

These are the most common reasons people go to couples therapy:

Intimacy Issues

For most people, sex is an integral part of a relationship. When intimacy is off or non-existent, it can put a strain on other parts of the relationship.

According to a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, the most commonly cited reason (47%) for recent divorces among participants was a lack of intimacy or love.

For many couples that means sex, either not having or not having fulfilling sex, but it also includes general intimacy like cuddling, kissing for the sake of kissing, and active listening.

While there’s probably a mental roadblock at the route of this issue, one way to spice up your sex life is with new sexual dynamics or sex toys. Some top sex toys for couples are the TOR 3 pleasure ring, the HUGO 2 prostate massager, and the TIANI 3 remote-controlled couples’ vibrator.

Financial Differences

Money can create divide in a relationship, especially if you’re facing financial difficulties or if you have different attitudes towards finances and how they should be managed (how much you earn, emergency savings, spending habits, retirement, etc.).

Being in a relationship often means joining finances or having large expenses together. Financial insecurity can also be triggering and bring up a lot of anxiety and anger. Therapy can help couples understand their partner’s relationship toward money and give them practical tools on how to manage money together.

Financial differences tend to be more common amongst older adults who may be retired, facing more (expensive) health issues, and figuring out how to balance expenses while working less or not at all.

Growing Apart

It’s not uncommon for a couple to grow apart as life evolves and you experience big changes.

When life gets busy and you turn into coexistence, you may lose that spark, intimacy and connection. There might not be outright conflict, but more like an avoidance – avoiding seeking closeness, avoiding having hard conversations, and avoiding doing the things you need to do to grow together instead of apart.

This tends to be more common in relationships where people have been together for a long time and are now retired and/or are empty nesters.

Is Couples Therapy Right for You?

In addition to the above, here are a few more of the most common couples issues:

Big life transitions, like an illness or all children leaving
Different parenting styles
Hurtful and unproductive arguments
Infidelity

There is no right reason why you may want to go to couples therapy, nor do you need a reason at all. If you feel like you and your partner could benefit from having a neutral party to help organize your thoughts or would like to learn more communication tools to deepen your relationship, then therapy is a great option.

Know that just like finding a romantic partner, finding the right therapist can take time. This is an intimate relationship and you’re trusting your therapist with deeply personal parts of your life.

Online directories like Psychology Today (available in many countries) can help you narrow down providers based on your specific needs and other criteria like insurance providers. See if you can do a free consultation before paying for a session. Remember that you’re paying for a service and if it’s not the right fit for you, you have every right to move on to a better option for you.

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